More than a year ago I gave up the elevator in favor of stairs for fewer than three floors. I don't know that I completely thought through all my reasons, but at least one motivation that has cycled consistently through my brain was that it was somehow tied into making a very small improvement in myself for someone I cared for a great deal.
About one year ago, along the same vein, I stopped eating Ding-Dongs and cupcakes. It was a small thing -- I haven't made any kind of all-out effort to lose weight or to eat right or to exercise. But seeing as I was pretty much a one-or-two-Ding-Dong-a-day guy for years, it seemed significant to me, in a middle-aged desperate stalking loser sort of way --the entire motivation for this revolved around this woman for whom I cared.
Alas, within days of making that decision, there was no longer any reason for me to keep this motivation. And yet, I've honored the commitment for a year.
It's now been a year, and I find myself facing the question of how I'm going to treat Ding-Dongs and cupcakes now. For the past couple of weeks I've thought about it. I haven't particularly wanted a cupcake or Ding-Dong, but I also have no reason any more to avoid them (well, unless you count "eating healthy" a reason to avoid junk food -- bah!). But today, visiting at my parents, there's an unopened box of Ding-Dongs, and Mom announces that she's bought them for me. (She was unaware of my decision a year ago.) I'm unsure what to make of this "coincidence".
I've had a friend suggest that I grab a box of Ding-Dongs and some Big Red (I haven't given those up - what, are you crazy?) and go have a celebratory feast with them while riding an elevator all day.
It's a stupid little meaningless conundrum instigated by a stupid infatuation a long time ago. But it's my conundrum, and I'll ride if I want to.