Occasionally, a nugget is discovered.
In the show, "Marriage Boot-Camp: Reality Stars", S7E4, "Memp-hitz The Fan", one of the hosts made this statement:
Conflict means that you are free enough with the other person to share your heart in an open and vulnerable way.and then they give these eight rules of engagement to prevent crazy fights and stay in productive fights:
- "Same Team" - Fights are for your relationship. Attack the issue, not each other.
- "One Play At a Time" - Stick with one topic until you get past that topic.
- "Stay In the Game" - Don't be avoiders; don't turn your back and walk away; stick it out.
- "LUV" - Listen, Understand, Validate.
- "Personal Fouls" - Don't name-call of any kind.
- "the Time-Out" - if the fight gets too intense, take a time-out.
- "Win-Win" - If your goal in a fight is to win instead of being happy, you're gonna lose every single time. (This point was illustrated earlier in the show by having the couples face-off from each other across a swimming pool, each holding one end of a tug-of-war rope. The couples were told, "Don't be pulled from your spot." On the "go" signal, some couples used all their strength to pull their partner into the pool; one person struggled for a while and then gave up, jumping into the pool to end the tug-of-war; another person cheated by having someone push her partner from behind into the pool. At the end, the hosts had another couple demonstrate the way to win - each partner in this couple, when told to not be pulled from their spot, simply stood there holding the rope without pulling. Neither was pulled from their spot, and there was no conflict between the two partners.)
- "Spike the Ball" - Celebrate when you move past something.